♥♥♥♥♥♥NEVER ENOUGH♥♥♥♥♥♥

So today as I am having a bad day I tend to look back and remember my Momma. My angel in heaven watching over me and my little ones taken from this earth way to soon. I found an old Journal of mine from High School and just thought I would share some of the poems and story's that kept me going in those tough times.


*Never Enough*
Sometimes I know the words to say,
Give thanks for all you've done,
But then they fly up and away,
As quickly as they come.

How could I possibly thank you enough,
The one who makes me whole,
The one to whom I owe my life,
The forming of my soul.

The one who tucked me in at night,
The one who stopped my crying,
The one who was the expert,
At picking up when I was lying.

The one who saw me off to school,
And spent sad days alone,
Yet magically produced a smile,
As soon as I came home.

The one who made such sacrifices,
To always put me first.
Who lent me my broken wings,
in spite of how it hurt.

Who painted my world a rainbow,
When it filled with broken dreams,
Who explained it all so clearly,
When nothings what it seemed.

Are there really words for this?
I find this question tough...
Anything I wanted to say,
Just didn't seem enough.

What way is there to thank you?
For your heart, your sweat, your tears,
For ten-thousand little things you've done,
For oh-so-many years

For changing with me as I changed,
Accepting all my flaws,
Not loving "cause you had to"
But loving "Just Because"

For never giving up on me
When your wits had reached their end,
For always being proud of me,
For being my Best Friend.

And so I came to realize,
The only way to say,
The only thank you that is enough
is clear in just one way.

Look at me from above,
See what I've become.
Do you see yourself in me?
The job that you have done.

All your hopes and all your dreams
The strength that no one sees
A Transfer over many years
Your best was passed to me.

Thank you for the gifts you gave,
For everything you did.
But thank you, Momma. Most of all
For making dreams come true.

Flop :(

Feeling a little blue today, Been racking my brain to try and get started making this more interesting I guess, or heck just post more in general.

I have tons of things running through my brain all day that would be fantastic to post and I sit down to the computer and flop! Nothing.

I'm tired of feeling less than average or second best. I feel like there is always someone a step ahead of me trying to show me up or make me look bad.

I'm tired of feeling like the one to make all the effort in friendships. I'm tired of the drama and the who did that or said what. I'm not into that anymore.

I'm tired of feeling like the odd ball, afterthought, or pity invite. I sign into my facebook or myspace and see all these people or so called friends and I feel like it is all a joke. They don't care about me or my family. Or I see people who I used to be so close with that act as if I don't even exist anymore. I guess I am just not good enough for them, I don't quite measure up to there standards, not as pretty or as fun or like to party. I don't have money and we are barely scraping by most of the time, I'm not a fortunate as most are with instant baby sitters or grandparents lining up to take my kids. Heck I have 4 kids so going out takes planning and apparently that is too much for my "friends"

I guess I am thankful for those few friends that to show they care and call or text or actually act interested in my life. And to those who don't I guess at this point I'm saying oh well, I'm tired and I'm done. You know where to find me.

Turn it around in 2010

Its obvious my blogging got off to a slower start than i had orginally thought. Well I am hoping to change that this year.

I'm hoping to make this the best year ever. While 2009 was an eventful year, I am hoping for something a little more normal shall we say, If that is possible. Hahaha!

2009 brought loads of milestones for our little ones and some not so fun stuff as well.

Emmalie turned the big 5 and finished her 3rd year of dance, which she loves. She is very independent and never stops talking.

Thomas finished his first year of preschool, and also attended summer school. He loves school and its doing wonders for him in lots of ways.

Grace and Logan had they're very first birthday, walking, teething, talking and soo much more.

2009 also brought our very first deployment for Aaron, which wasn't soo much fun. He left April 4th and returned home on October 28th. Luckly for us it was a short deployment. We had some bumps here at home while Aaron was gone, but we have some amazing family and friends, I don't know that i could have gotten through any of it without them.

Aaron returned home just in time for Thomas ' 4th birthday, which we celebrated with a half coming home party for daddy and a half birthday party for Thomas.

Coming home for Aaron also ment coming home to no job. Thankfully shortly after he got home he made some phone calls and got hired on to TPI at the end of November.

We spent Thankgiving with family in Minnesota, and dispite the weather and having to postpone some Christmas' we had a great Christmas at home with the kids.

We spent New years eve ringing in the new year with a very dear friend of mine. Although myself and her were the only ones who actually made it to the new year awake we still had a fantastic time.

I'm excited to leave 2009 in the past and start off this new year 2010. Heres to a good one and good things to come.